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00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:02,370
Everybody Hates Chris
"Everybody Hates a Liar"
Closed Captioned

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00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:03,637
(Berlin's "No More Words"
playing)

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00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:06,340
CHRIS ROCK:
Tasha Clarkson was the new
girl next door.

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00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,542
Unlike just about every other
girl in the neighborhood,

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00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:09,743
she didn't hate me.

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00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:10,744
Hi, Chris.
Hey, Tasha.

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00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,547
I always tried to play it
cool around her,

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00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,249
but every time she came
out the door,

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00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,517
it looked like this...

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00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,091
But Tasha's grandmother was one
of the strictest parents

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on the block.

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00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:27,561
Where you going
dressed like that?

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00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:30,098
Grandma, I have on
everything but gloves.

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00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,599
Put some gloves on.

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00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,635
Showing your hands to people.

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00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,770
And it was 79 degrees.

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00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,739
So I figured the smartest
thing to do

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was to just leave Tasha alone.

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00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,646
Chris, come quick. I need you.

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00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,715
So much for that plan.

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Do you see it?!
Chris, do you see it?!

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00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,787
Oh, yeah, I see it.

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00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,657
But what do you want
me to do with it?

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00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,329
Get it out!

25
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,764
Get it out of my closet!
Okay, okay, okay.
Stop screaming please.

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00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,299
Stop, stop...

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00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,368
She's screaming like
the mouse had a gun.

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Thank you.

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No problem.

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To you, that just looked
like a kiss on the cheek,

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but to me it felt
like this...

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00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,664
Yo.

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00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,566
Little dude from
across the street.

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Come here.

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Listen, man, I don't
have any money.

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I don't want your money,
little dude.

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I want to know how
you got Tasha.

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Got Tasha what?

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Come on, little dude.
I saw that.

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Every little dude on the block
been trying to get next to her.

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Little dude from up
on the third floor,

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little dude from
around the corner,

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little dude with
the funny leg,

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00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,522
little dude with
the little loft,

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little dude that be
with big dude... and Kenny.

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Now I know why
they can't get nowhere.

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00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,863
'Cause little dude from across
the street is on the case.

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Now why you ain't
tell nobody?

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00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,733
Hey, well, you know.

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That's what you said when you
didn't want to lie,

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but you didn't want
to tell the truth.

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I underestimated
you, little dude.

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I ain't think you
had it in you.

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00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,643
Tasha. Mean as her
grandmom is.

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You a bad man,
little dude.

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Just do me a favor.

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Don't tell anybody?

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It's between me and you.

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:
Little dude from
across the street.

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Mackin'.

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I should have told him the
truth that nothing happened,

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but, hey, well, you know.

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* Oh... make it funky now!

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Captioning sponsored by
CBS Paramount
Network Television

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CHRIS:
My father never spent money
on himself.

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So to get the things he liked,
he used trading stamps.

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These weren't the kind of
stamps you put on an envelope.

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They were the kind of stamps
you put in books

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and could redeem for stuff
that you'd never buy with cash.

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Like a bumper pool table...

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Oh, yes!

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...electro energy ball...

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My father wished he could use
trading stamps

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to pay for everything.

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He needs
a new heart.

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Is it in the catalog?

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85,000 stamps.

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Get that boy
into surgery.

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Do they still have that
golden boomerang?

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We ain't getting no
golden boomerang.

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We getting a new
refrigerator.

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What's wrong with
the refrigerator?

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The thermostat
is broken.

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The freezer's too cold,
the refrigerator's too hot.

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It melted the ice cream
and froze the cheese.

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I thought we were going
to get something fun.

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Eating ain't fun?
Try not eating.

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Whatever we get...

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A new refrigerator.

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00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,543
...we're gonna have
to do it soon.

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00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,844
The paper said the catalog
store's closing.

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00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,514
We got to redeem all these
by the weekend.

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00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,816
If I have any stamps left,
I'm going to get this.

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What?

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00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,052
An electric
ping

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It keeps score
automatically.

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Now you know you're too big
to be playing ping-pong.

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00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,301
Can we use the sponge instead?

99
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,036
You know how much
a sponge costs?

100
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Less than a new tongue.

101
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Oh, that's one cent
worth of stamp.

102
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Chris, give me the tape.

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What my father didn't realize
was that I had to use

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two cents worth of tape to
repair one cent worth of stamp.

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Hey, Mom, you want to watch
The Ropers with me?

106
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Oh, no, baby, I'm tired.

107
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I've been working all day,

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and after I finish
helping Tonya

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I got to go
fold clothes.

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Oh, okay.

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I'll watch it with you.

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No, thanks.

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The only thing Drew liked more
than watching The Ropers

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00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:04,004
was watching The Ropers
with my mother.

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I hadn't said that anything
really happened

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between me and Tasha,

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but not saying anything
was almost worse.

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Hey, Chris.
Hey, Tasha.

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Hey, Tasha,
how you doing?

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Man, you better
leave her alone.

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Isn't that right,
little dude?

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Hey, well, you know.

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I know.

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I wasn't saying a word
about me and Tasha,

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and yet, it was all over
Bed-Stuy.

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Girl, little Tasha
who just moved in?

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That's right.

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You know what else
I heard?

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I heard she and Chris
were right outside

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on the street kissing.

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Ooh, girl, was it
tongue kissing?

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Right down
to the throat.

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00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,706
Ooh, I didn't know
she was like that.

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You wasn't supposed to know.
Hmm.

135
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Not only Chris have Tasha,
but he got three other women.

136
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Hey, ain't nothing
wrong with that.

137
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The Good Book says
"Be fruitful and prosper."

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Yes, Lord.

139
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Got any ashes
in this?

140
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,050
No.

141
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,986
Man, I heard Tasha caught
Chris cheating

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with Valerie Simpson.

143
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Nick Ashford
gonna kill him.

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Hiyeh...

145
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Notice how Nick Ashford
and Verdine White

146
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look just alike?

147
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Verdine White from
the liquor store,

148
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,034
or Verdine White from
Earth, Wind and Fire?

149
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,170
It's the same guy.

150
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,005
What?

151
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,206
The story was taking off,

152
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and for the first time
I was trying to play it down.

153
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You kissed Tasha?

154
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,447
Well, technically,
she kissed me.

155
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And it wasn't
a "kiss" kiss.

156
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She just kissed me
on the cheek.

157
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Which cheek?
This one.

158
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:25,753
When did all
this happen?

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Yesterday.
She was scared
of a mouse

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and I went in
to go get it for her.

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Then she gave me
a quick peck.

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I was saying that, but I knew
Greg was thinking this...

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Wow, you are in there.

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Hey, well, you know.

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No, I really
don't know.

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Greg didn't even have
a vicarious thrill

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till he was 22.

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Just do me a favor--
don't tell anybody.

169
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Who would I tell?

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He would tell everybody.

171
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Hey, Chris.
Hey, Chris.

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And I mean everybody.

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BOTH:
Hi, Chris.

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00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,721
Even Caruso gave me
some respect.

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Hey, Lakeside, I didn't
know you had it in you.

176
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,527
Well, aren't you just
a little Sweet Sweetback.

177
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,061
Hey, well, you know.

178
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,097
Who knew that the secret
for a guy getting girls

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is for a guy to get a girl?

180
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,805
While I was getting more
attention than I could handle,

181
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,239
Drew wasn't getting
any at all.

182
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,475
Hey, Mom, could you help
me with my homework?

183
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,876
Oh, baby, I'm tired.

184
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,712
I got to sort clothes
and do laundry.

185
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,781
Can't Chris help you
when he gets home?

186
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,750
I guess.

187
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Drew hadn't looked that sad
since E.T. went home.

188
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What?

189
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,225
Okay, what?

190
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I'm just trying
to figure you out.

191
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,129
Here I'm thinking,

192
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your middle name
is "Mr. Lonely."

193
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,800
Come to find out
it's "Lady

194
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:47,901
I'm not a lady-killer.

195
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,603
Yeah, I wasn't either.
That's how come

196
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I got divorced
as many times as I did.

197
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,607
Look, when
your time comes,

198
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,709
get you a pre-nup.

199
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:56,977
I don't have anything.

200
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,078
Well, they'll
take that, too.

201
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,713
You got that right.

202
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,715
Hi, Chris.

203
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:03,216
How you doing?

204
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,985
Who are you?

205
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,187
Diedre, but you can
call me Dee-Dee.

206
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,856
This is Shavonda.

207
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,025
What's this?

208
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,260
My phone number.

209
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,962
So I can call you?

210
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,063
Yeah.

211
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,230
You know, I heard about

212
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,632
you and Tasha.

213
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:19,933
Hey, well, you know.

214
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:22,870
Hey, well, you know what?

215
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,838
Hi, Tasha.

216
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,006
Don't "Hi, Tasha" me.

217
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,542
Hey, well, you know what?

218
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:30,143
What were you gonna
say about me, Chris?

219
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,747
You have something to say,
say it to my face.

220
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:36,216
I want my mama!

221
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,721
The only person who hadn't
heard about me and Tasha

222
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,922
was my mother.

223
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,223
But that was about to change.

224
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,125
Hello, Louise.
How you doing?

225
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,027
You keep

226
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,162
your nasty little
nappy-headed son

227
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,832
away from my granddaughter.

228
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,166
That's how I'm doing.

229
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,135
That look means all seven
of the words

230
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,403
you can't say on television.

231
00:08:56,436 --> 00:09:00,240
Because this is a family show,
all she can say is this...

232
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,642
Excuse me?

233
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,244
Let me slow
it down for you.

234
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,313
Keep...

235
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:10,651
your nasty little
nappy-headed son...

236
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:13,186
away... from my granddaughter.

237
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,023
Okay, Louise, first of all,

238
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,826
I don't know what
you're talking about.

239
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,194
Second of all, I suggest
you watch your tone.

240
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,998
I suggest you watch your son.

241
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:30,671
Louise, I'm going to assume that
you have not lost your mind.

242
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:31,972
All right.

243
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,141
There's less anger
in the Middle East.

244
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:37,945
So exactly what is it
that you're talking about?

245
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,949
Your son was in my house

246
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,251
with my granddaughter

247
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,353
when I wasn't home.

248
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,222
And then went around
the neighborhood

249
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,993
and talked about her like
she was some kind of tramp.

250
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,227
Chris?

251
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,864
No, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

252
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,299
Yes, Chris.

253
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:03,370
I don't know how he wormed
himself into my house,

254
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,205
but I'll tell you this--

255
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,641
if it happens again,

256
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:11,679
there's going to be a problem.

257
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:15,215
"Problem" is a polite word
for "ass-kicking."

258
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,287
ROCHELLE:
Chris!

259
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,855
CHRIS:
Uh-oh.

260
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,793
Why is Miss Clarkson
talking about...?

261
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,394
Boy, turn around
before I smack a face

262
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,362
onto the back of your head.

263
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,264
Why is

264
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,700
Miss Clarkson talking
about you

265
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,768
in her house with Tasha,
and it's all

266
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,269
over the neighborhood?

267
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,171
I do not appreciate
the whole neighborhood

268
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,707
knowing something
about my child,

269
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,341
and I'm the last to find out.

270
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,678
My mother hated being the last
to find out about anything.

271
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:50,718
ALL:
Surprise!

272
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,353
Why am I the last to know?

273
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,723
Congratulations.
You're pregnant.

274
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,157
That's great!

275
00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,961
Pregnant?! Why am
I the last to know?

276
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,029
What's going on?

277
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,263
That's what
I'm trying to find out.

278
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,766
Miss Clarkson said that Chris
was in her house with Tasha.

279
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,367
Doing what?
CHRIS:
Nothing.

280
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,002
She asked me to come over
because there

281
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,304
was a mouse in her closet.
I got rid of it,

282
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,041
and then we went
right back outside.
Getting rid of a mouse?

283
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,275
Is that what
they're calling it nowadays?

284
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,310
Are you an exterminator?
If you are,

285
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,311
let me see your paycheck.

286
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,379
No.

287
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,914
Chris, I don't care

288
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,449
if you were
over somebody's house

289
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:25,886
getting rid of a mouse,
a spider, a roach, a tiger...

290
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,354
I was just trying to help.

291
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,856
Chris, please tell me.

292
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,123
Is that all
that really happened?

293
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,826
'Cause Miss Clarkson seems to
think that you were doing more

294
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,361
than just getting rid
of a mouse, boy.

295
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:39,499
Well, after we went outside,
she gave me a kiss on the cheek,

296
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,334
and Jerome saw and,
next thing I know,

297
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,369
it's all over the neighborhood.

298
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,905
And you had nothing
to do with spreading that?

299
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:48,475
Hey, well, you know.

300
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,210
"Hey, well, you know"?

301
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,912
Well, what is that
supposed to mean?

302
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:57,184
Rochelle,
Chris and I need to talk

303
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,452
for a minute.

304
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,955
You putting me out?

305
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,456
We need to have
a man-to-man talk.

306
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,393
Okay, fine.

307
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,494
Julius, the next
time somebody comes

308
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,062
to this house with a problem,

309
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,331
I'm gonna send them directly
to you. Is that okay?

310
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,399
Huh?

311
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,301
All right.

312
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,779
Sit down.

313
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,984
Chris, if you're leading
people to believe

314
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,953
you did something
with that girl you didn't do,

315
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,354
then you need to fix it.

316
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,989
But I never said
we did anything.

317
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:38,458
Let me tell you
how to treat women, son.

318
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,960
If you do something,

319
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,195
you should never say anything.

320
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,497
If you don't do something,
and you don't say anything,

321
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:45,999
that means you did something

322
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:48,035
even if you
did nothing.

323
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:51,438
So, by not saying anything,
you're doing something,

324
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,441
and you need to say something
and let people know

325
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,409
you did nothing.
You understand?

326
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,078
No.

327
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,546
Yeah.

328
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,448
All right.

329
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,283
Hey, Tasha, wait up!

330
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,921
What?
I just wanted
to tell you
that I was sorry.

331
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,890
Why would you say
all those things about me?

332
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:12,559
I just moved in and,
all of a sudden,
I have a reputation.

333
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,261
I didn't say
anything, for real.

334
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,164
Well, somebody
said something,
and it wasn't me.

335
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,938
Yo, little dude.
Your old lady
mad at you, huh?

336
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,540
She's not my old lady.

337
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,509
What

338
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,544
Yeah, well...

339
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,247
I know. I know.

340
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,451
Hey, Mom, can you help me
make some Kool

341
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,487
Aw, Drew, I'm trying
to rest for 20 minutes

342
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,589
before I have
to cook dinner.

343
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,926
Here. You know how
to make Kool-Aid.

344
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,396
Never mind. Forget it.

345
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,967
What's wrong with him?

346
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:57,037
I don't know,
but I'm about
to find out.

347
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,906
We got any Kool

348
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:07,915
Mm-hmm.

349
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,150
My mother had to find out
what was up

350
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,352
before she had
to smack Drew down.

351
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:28,268
Something you
want to talk about?

352
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,471
Why do you
pay more attention

353
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,373
to Chris and Tonya
than you do me?

354
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:38,078
I don't do it
on purpose, baby.

355
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,580
Well, then, how come
every time I ask you
to do something,

356
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,615
you always make me
do it by myself?

357
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,617
* The closer I get to you...

358
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,254
Well, because you've
always been able

359
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:48,922
to do things on your own.

360
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,058
Doesn't mean
I love you any less.

361
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,927
Sometimes
it feels like it.

362
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:56,396
Oh, don't say that, Drew.

363
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,564
I'm proud of you.

364
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,667
* By giving me
all you've got... *

365
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:04,004
I guess I don't see you
as being my baby anymore.

366
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,605
You don't?

367
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,540
Uh-uh.

368
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,945
I look at you as a young man,
because you're so independent.

369
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,114
I'm independent?

370
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,582
Yeah.

371
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,484
And you're funny.

372
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,651
You're handsome.

373
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,920
Oh, cool.

374
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:25,058
So you going to be okay?

375
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,961
Yeah.

376
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:30,263
I'm sorry, Drew.

377
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,065
I love you.

378
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,666
I love you, too.

379
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,203
Good. Come on, let's
make some Kool-Aid.

380
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,505
Oh, and another thing.

381
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,673
If you ever walk away
from me like that again,

382
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:45,045
you going to need a wheelchair
to bring you back. Okay?

383
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,581
Meanwhile, I had girl trouble
without having a girl.

384
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,717
Hey, Tasha. Can I talk
to you for a second?

385
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,152
No.

386
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,520
Hey, why you acting
all stuck

387
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,687
I know Chris is cool
and everything,

388
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:55,688
but you're too good for me?

389
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,724
CHRIS:
Tasha!

390
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,563
I want everyone
to listen to me!

391
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,232
Tasha is

392
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,434
not my girlfriend.

393
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,601
She never was.

394
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,737
I know everybody
thinks that something

395
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,673
was going on between us,
but nothing happened.

396
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:18,645
And not nothing something.
Nothing nothing.

397
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,614
Tasha's a nice girl.

398
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,416
She's not like that.

399
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,252
I got rid of a mouse for her.

400
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,721
Then she gave me a kiss on
the cheek and a hug. That's it.

401
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:33,126
Tasha, I'm sorry.

402
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,528
Now, would you all

403
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,331
quit talking about this?

404
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:41,168
Because there is nothing
to talk about.

405
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,503
I wish there was
something to talk about.

406
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,338
But there's not.

407
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,706
Okay?

408
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:51,744
* Girl, don't take
your love from me... *

409
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,647
Get off of my car, fool!

410
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,484
How did he know my nickname?

411
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,619
I can't believe you
made the whole thing up.

412
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,221
I didn't make
anything up.

413
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,423
Everyone else did.
What do you expect
people to think

414
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,524
with you running
around saying,

415
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,759
"Yeah, well, you know"
to everything?

416
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,728
That's why
I had to stop it.

417
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,630
I thought you
were so in there.

418
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,964
Everybody did.

419
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,701
Listen, just don't say anything
to anybody. I want this to die.

420
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,769
I won't say a word.

421
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:19,472
This is going to stay
between you and me.

422
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:20,640
All right.

423
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,175
Just like before.

424
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,176
Hey.

425
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,544
BOTH:
Ew!

426
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,281
How you guys doing?

427
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:29,682
Shut up!
Shut up!

428
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,454
You blew it,
cornbread.

429
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,789
Some Sweetback
you are.

430
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,593
I wasn't the only one
looking for redemption.

431
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,295
Back at the catalog store,

432
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,264
my father was taking
his sweet stamps back.

433
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,832
I'm here to
redeem my stamps.

434
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:46,866
What would you like?

435
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,868
The olive green refrigerator.

436
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,437
We're out of those.

437
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,304
You have one in yellow?

438
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,573
No. We're out
of the refrigerators.

439
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:54,807
Well, what
about the stove?

440
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:55,775
Gone.

441
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,644
The sofa?
Uh-uh.

442
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,679
Washing machine?
Nope.

443
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,714
Electric ping
Nada.

444
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,782
Mini
Zilch.

445
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,184
The golden boomerang?
The bishop

446
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,818
just walked out
with the last one.

447
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,187
Hello.

448
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,356
So what do you have?

449
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:13,593
Well, we got this.

450
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:17,096
Oh, cool. Nice.

451
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,799
This is a nice canoe.

452
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,535
100,000 more stamps
and we could get a river.

453
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,209
Julius, where you plan
on putting this canoe?

454
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,379
I don't know. Somewhere.

455
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:40,853
Where's the canoe?

456
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,555
How did they untie it?

457
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,891
When did they take it?

458
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,794
They wouldn't have
taken a refrigerator.

459
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,862
The next week, that's exactly

460
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,898
how they stole
our new refrigerator.

461
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,767
That's 4,652 books
worth of stamps!

462
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,303
The word back on the block

463
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:58,738
was that Tasha and I
had never done a thing,

464
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,373
but sometimes you have
to hear things

465
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,508
from the horse's mouth.

466
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,509
Miss Clarkson?

467
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:06,279
What do you want
with your little mannish behind?

468
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,348
I wanted to apologize.

469
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,518
What exactly is it
that you're apologizing for?

470
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,820
Well, first, to Tasha
for letting all those people

471
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,087
believe all that stuff
about her.

472
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:19,326
And to you for going into your
house without your permission.

473
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,461
Did your mother
send you over here to do that?

474
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,462
Because, if she did...

475
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,730
She didn't.

476
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:27,234
You're not fooling anybody.

477
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,868
I know you.

478
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,537
I don't know what you do

479
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,871
with these little fast girls
around here,

480
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,840
but you're not going
to do that with Tasha.

481
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:38,245
Miss Clarkson missed me
when Tasha started

482
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,280
dating Bobby Brown.

483
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,718
Chris?

484
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,322
Thank you.

485
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,230
Hey! Little dude
from across the street.

486
00:19:57,264 --> 00:20:00,267
Man, that's too bad
what happened with
you and Tasha.

487
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,269
I told you,
nothing happened
with me and Tasha.

488
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,771
Yeah, I know.
Let me hold a dollar.

489
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,906
They say the truth
will set you free,

490
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,775
but in my case
it cost a dollar.

491
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,877
At least I still had
Dee Dee's phone number.

492
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,412
Give me back
my phone number!

493
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,514
You better not
have it memorized.

494
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:23,256
* Everybody hates Chris.

495
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:26,459
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